The Dangers of Online Flirting

It's innocent, right? You wonder what happened to the "one that got away," that old flame. Where does he (or she) live? Is he married, divorced, single? What's his occupation. And you're only looking out of curiosity, nothing more, right?

We all wonder about the people from our past, and many times it is indeed human nature and completely innocent. Usually. The cyber age has changed everything. A few decades ago, you would call ATT information and get someone's phone number. You'd then dial the number, and if she answered, you would listen to the "Hello ... hello?" and then hang up. But the Internet makes it far easier to find others, and in an age in which divorce rates continue to soar, observing boundaries is becoming difficult. People decide to just take a peek at the old girlfriend or boyfriend.

Recent studies show that Googling old flames ranks fifth in who or what we search for on the Net. Many psychologists conclude that online flirtation aside, merely searching for an old lover can be dangerous since 1) so many marriages are shaky, and 2) the distance imposed by the Internet increases the chance that contact will eventually be made.

"Once someone is located," says Yale researcher Dr. Paul Lochner, "it seems perfectly natural to say a quick 'hello.' But all too often, this leads to email exchanges and photo swaps. Then cell numbers are exchanged. Finally, after a pattern of flirtation has been established, a meeting is planned if geographically feasible--or even if it's not."

Lochner believes that couples should have no secrets when it comes to online activity. Anything you don't want your partner to see is a red flag.

Looking up old flames (or actual, aggressive flirting) can become addictive. There is an adrenaline rush. We experience feelings that we haven't felt for years, or even decades. That person sitting across the country at a keyboard is providing stimulus in a relationship that may be suffering from obvious neglect.

But do we have the self-control to log off and do something in the real world, like buy our significant other a rose, or give him or her a spontaneous kiss? We all know that the PC is an an integral part of our everyday lives, but on the down-low, are we willing to admit that it's robbing us of healthy activities, including our relationships?

The next time your mind starts to wander, take a walk in the sunshine and realize that sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss. As Alexander Pope said, "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." Years of tragedy can be averted by just walking away from the computer.